JOURNAL (digital diary)
June
Jun 25, 2026 (6/25/26)
Hello,
I ate a lot today. That's a weird thing to start out with, but it's the only thing on my mind right now. I thought I was getting over this, but maybe not. I don't have an ed, or at least, I'm not diagnosed with one, so I like to tell myself that I don't have one. Last time I checked, which was around a week ago, I was 98lbs, nearly 97. I'm 5'3 and fifteen and I feel like those are generally normal stats. My doctors told my mom to watch me to see if I lose any more weight, so I've been "forced" to eat more often. My family doesn't suspect anything odd about my eating habits, and honestly, they really shouldn't have to. My recommended number of calories is 1,742 per day. I normally consume around 1,200 a day, which isn't bad. It might cause SLIGHT weight loss, but nothing too severe at all. I was content with my weight for a while, then one day I looked in the mirror and felt disgusted with the way my body looked. That was two years ago, but I didn't start trying to make an effort to look better until last year. I used to eat strictly 400 calories a day, though my family likes to make major decisions to go eat out last minute, so that didn't work very well. I want to be skinnier. My goal is 90lbs, I'll start that once I get back from my scheduled time at my dad's, that should be in two weeks. He is the only one who pays attention to how much I'm eating, considering nearly every woman on my dad's side of the family has anorexia.
Anyway, I'll stop talking about food. I walked to the local record store today and bought a few things. The owner's name was Marley; he seemed really nice. Though, he was sweating profusely and spoke in a manner that seemed like he was teaching me something with every word. There were also these two teenage boys who yelled constantly, that was annoying. It was nice in there though; he let me play whatever music I wanted on the record player, I chose A Hard Day's Night. It seemed like a place I'd want to go to while on date, there are many places that I would rather go to with someone else, but that's mostly on my part for isolating myself from anyone else. There was a small coffee shop in the building next to it too, unfortunately, it was closed by the time I got there. I might stop by tomorrow. I was in there for around two hours; I left ten minutes before they closed and felt extremely bad for that. I ended up buying four things. The Midnight Cowboy soundtrack, which I'm EXTREMELY excited about! I love Midnight Cowboy. Along with Double Fantasy by John Lennon, Past Times Behind by Daryl Hall and John Oates, and Come From The Shadows by Joan Baez. I'm most excited over Joan Baez. They didn't have many options for the cd selection, mostly gospel music, which I'm not too interested in personally.
It's currently 2:27 AM, I should go to sleep soon. I have to wake up in a few hours, and I don't want to ruin the day for my family with my bad mood. I will most likely update this more in the morning as I'm falling asleep at the sight of my screen right now.
Goodnight to whoever is reading this.
